Queen Perlie Girl - A Poem

[This post disappeared, so if it's showing up a second time, well, whoops. With apologies to Perl Jam – excuse me, Pearl Jam – for horking up Jeremy. It’s based on a daily fact of life at the house, that certain beagles are only as trained as the situation may merit.]

One day, sleeping soundly
With snoring sounds, up on the couch,
Soaking up the sun.
Then there comes a sound:
She wakes when she hears *crinkle*

“Daddy, please give me some corn chips!
Oh, and could you add something gravy-like!”
Queen Perlie Girl the Beagle
Rules her house.

Perlie Girl eats in here todayyyyyyy.
Perlie Girl dines in here todayyyyyyy.

Clearly I remember
Feeding her that morn;
Seemed a massive pile of food.
Oo, but she eats like a lion:
Blur of teeth and hoovers up her grub.
Who could that forget?

Then Beau jumped up coming from the left.
Surprised me greatly, my hand knocked open,
And then the sound of gobbling reached my ear.

“Daddy, please make me some popcorn!
And I guess that Beau has earned some of it, too.”
Queen Perlie Girl the Beagle
Rules her house.

Perlie Girl eats in here todayyyyyyy.
Perlie Girl chomps in here todayyyyyyy.
Perlie Girl gorges ev’ry dayyyyyyy.

(Woof, woof, woof, woof.)
(Woof, woof, woof, woof.)
(Woof, woof, woof, woof.)
(Woof, woof, woof, woof.)

Try to fill up her?
You can forget it.
Try to appease her?
She needs a diet.

Our well-fed Queeeeeen.

Perlie Girl eats in here todayyyyyyy.
Perlie Girl chows down here todayyyyyyy.
Perlie Girl eats here, with cheer,
Perlie Girl eats here, wants deer,
Perlie Girl wolfs in here todayyyyyyy.

Woof, woof, woof, woof
Eats here, that’s clear.
Woof, woof, woof, woof
Eats here, no peer.
Woof, woof, woof, woof
Eats here, all year.
Woof, woof, woof, woof
Eats here, smells steer.
Woof, woof, woof, woof
Eats here, so dear.
Woof, woof, woof, woof
Eats here, got beer?

Woooo, arf arf arf arf …
Wuff-uff, wuff-uff …