Scottie - A Poem

[With sincerest apologies to Smash Mouth for toying with “All-Star”! I love Smash Mouth! But not as much as Smash Taters! Oh boy! My favorite! This is a tribute to Scottish Terriers! Oh boy! My favorite! The male biped has fond memories of Hootmon, the one from his youth, who was a good dog but very independent and had the air of brawling and poker games about him. Poker! Oh boy! My favorite!]

This girly just said that, I should really wear a tam hat;
She is a pretty ditzy young lass.
She had quite a vacant smile on her o-so-vacant dial,
And her eyes, they belong in a dead bass.

Now, I don’t wear tartan, nor do I play bagpipes.
I don’t drink whisky, that’s a stereotype.
Have you done a common sense eject?
You are not politically correct.

Got things to do, and things to see.
Got no time for minds that are so twee.
I’d appreciate it if you’d go. (Go!)
Could you make like the wind and blow?

Look here, I’m a Scottie,
But I’m not a
Cliché.
I know, I’m a Scottie
But Rod Stewart
I won’t play.
Please, just leave me alone.
Did you know your leg is sitting so pro-o-one?

It’s a hard life, and I swear it gets harder,
There are some days when I fell like a martyr.
This dip, she sees me as a cliché.
On her legs I’d like to make a big spray.

This life I live is getting pretty old.
This idiot biped can be stupid and bold.
Now why make me wear a kilt?
Bad enough, but why did you have to add gilt?

Look here, I’m a Scottie,
But I’m not your
Toy doll.
Look out, I’m a Scottie,
And I don’t fear
A brawl.
Please, just get off my back.
How can a naked ape have brains so sla-a-ack?

(Bite for the leg)
(Bite for the leg)
(Bite for the leg)
(Bite for the leg)

Hang on, I’m a Scottie,
And I don’t like
These clothes.
That’s it, I’m a Scottie,
Think I’ll chew on
Your toes.
Please, just give me some space.
I run at a pace …

I need some time alone,
I can’t stand that vapid drone.
She wants to make me look like I’m so cutesy-poo.
I say ick, really makes me sick.
Need to lay down the law with this chick.
And spoon-feed her a cluuuuueeee …

So I dig in the yard and I won’t stop digging.
Find a dead vole and then I start to jigging.
I think this could be a lot of fun.
I think I can give that dip a stun.

See how she jumps, hear how she shrieks,
See her nose wrinkle as the vole reeks.
Do I look like a cutie pie now? (NO!)
Okay, don’t have a cow!

Hey now, I’m a Scottie
Got a mind of
My own.
Oh yeah, I’m a Scottie,
I’m not just some
Toy clone.
I am the one who ruuuules.
One look from me and you feel like fools.

Now I am left alone.
Could someone please give me a steak bo-o-o-one?