All Dog Owners Read This - Response

I would love to eliminate the need for baths. However, if you would like to continue visits from and to others, I’m afraid baths are necessary. Grandma will NOT let you on her new sofa, let alone her house, without a bath.

I am sorry that my lack of physical conditioning causes you to loose ball time. However, if you intend to continue the diet and treat schedule to which you have become accustomed, I need to keep my job that keeps me on my duff all day long.

I honestly thought you liked trying to catch and find snowballs. I can concede to this request if you like.

If I concede to your schedule, you will soon find that I can’t go to work, the bills are not paid, and dinner is not made. This will soon be followed by a shortage of people food, air conditioning, housing, treats, and ultimately dog food.

I only watch you while you do your “business” for your own comfort. If I do not I will be uncertain when you "finished". That may lead to putting you into your crate or going to bed before you are ready, and causing you significant discomfort.

If I do not feed the cat first, then he/she will promptly eat all of the dog food leaving you none.

Unfortunately, the cat is not my choice. You may be unaware that the cat owns people, not the other way around.

See answer above to not bringing in more cats.

I taste and approve the food first, how else will I be able to tell if it is worthy of your eminence?

If the old tennis balls are not removed, there will be no room for nice, new tennis balls for you to play with. Eventually, there will be no tennis balls left at all.

I, for one, do NOT sneak around the backyard wearing funny clothes to test whether my dog is a good watchdog.

I can concede to ceasing the practice of referring to my dog's necklace as her "collar." Are you prepared to learn the new word?

If your nails are not trimmed, you will, eventually, be unable to walk to the food bowl, walk to get treats, or play with the above referenced tennis balls.

About abandoning you to "go to work" and other trivial reasons, please see the item in reference to your preferred schedule above.

My sincere apologies, but I will not be able to avoid laughing at my dog for being confused over not being able to find the lump of ice that he buried earlier. This is impossible for humans.

If I always carry cookies and treats, you do realize that any other dog I see will also want some of the treats leaving less for you?

I will not make my dog wear silly-looking antlers or red hats, unless it pleases the grandmothers/fathers in order to facilitate the chance that more doggie presents and treats will be forthcoming.

I will not make my dog pose for pictures with some fat stranger in a red suit, unless... (please see above).

By understanding doggie language, I will be able to know when you are about to do something I don’t like. Hence, you will have to behave BETTER!!!

If I do all of your requests you will not eat, get treats, get toys, have a home (let alone a yard), have a car to go places, etc.
Please let me know if you honestly wish me to follow the new suggested rules.