Basset - A Poem

[With full apologies to Beck. This is based on my memories of Mose, my grandfather’s dog from my youth.]

In a time of lapdog breeds, I am a hound dog.
I’m not small and lithe, I’m built just like an oak log
With some short and thick legs, so my ears are grounded.
Dog food eaten like a foghorn’s sounded.

See a squirrel, and chase it to my limit.
Bipeds thinkin’ ‘y’know, we really should slim it.’
Squirrels in treetops a-mockin’ at me,
Got a couple of acorns, launched at my big feet.

Mom’s always sayin’ I’m insane to complain
About a skimpy food bowl and a pill when I dine:
If what I caught was all I could eat,
I’d have too few calories to push myself to my feet.

I’ll bay all day all the way ‘til it’s dark.
Taking all my walkies and napping or I’ll be a snark.
Woof.
Bark it.

Awroooo, I’ll sleep till two!
I’m a basset, baby, so why don’t you feed me!
(Double serving table scraps!)
Barrrrk, I’d eat a shark!
I’m a basset, baby, so why don’t you feed me!

Howl so loudly that you have a nightmare.
Make the place smell bad like a stinky gas chamber.
Got scared by a weasel but then chased a cow.
Tripped in a hole, shouted loudly with a “Yow!”

In the field, I slows to sniff with my nose, yeah,
Some sort of crap, of which I never ate.
I fling myself in a big cow pie.
Take a roll around and it’s smelling like a bath tonight.

Get cleaned and I can’t be glad.
Trade the bath for a treat and a wrestle time with Dad.
Now my life is a piece of cake,
Lying near the fireplace, and careful of the splinters.

Howwwlllll, until you scowl!
I’m a basset, baby, so why don’t you feed me!
(Getting crazy with the steak bone!)
Yowwwllll, with these strong jowls!
I’m a basset, baby, so why don’t you feed me!
Scra-scra-scratch my ear.

Yo, feed my right now!

(I’m a basset, I’m a hound dog.
Food is gonna come, I can feel it.)

Roooooar, to distant shore!
I’m a basset, baby, so why don’t you feed me!
(You can’t outsleep me!)
Woooof, ‘bout a cow hoof!
I’m a basset, baby, so why don’t you feed me!
(Awroooo!)

Baaaaay, till your hair is grey!
I’m a basset, baby, so why don’t you feed me!
(Parlez vous hound dog, hey poodle!)
Shoooouuut, round this massive snout!
I’m a basset, baby, so why don’t you feed me!
(You know what I’m chewin’?)