I wouldn't tolerate another "assistant" either. The hissing must stop and she must understand that you are Knighted. Maybe tonight you should call a meeting after your mom and dad go to bed and see if this assistant is really necessary. If not...well, I'd say let her go. She is way too young to be there working anyway, it is unethical.

Perhaps she needs some sort of training video. Obviously she is not aware of who you are and your status in the world, so an introduction to Sir Denny would be very helpful to her. Talk to your Mama about making one for you so that if they choose to bring in more wayward souls or just send her on an errand and don't let her back in--Baby C

Wow! That must be some cat if my darling Madeleine is somewhat intimidated by the new one in the house. Do I need to come over so Maddie can intimidate me and feel more powerful?

Does she come from the moon? Has she never heard of Denny Crane?? You have dealt with the fat and the short in the past, but this one sounds like she belongs on "The Young and the Restless," not Boston Legal.

Oh, Deuce, I am writing this from my fortress in the bedroom where I have been sent for being naughty again. I know you like naughty girls, but it wasn't that kind of naughty. This new cat thing hisses and growls, and makes herself about 6 times her real size just to scare me. She has ferociously sharp claws and looks at me in a menacing manner. She can't weigh more than about #3. Maybe between the 2 of us we could take her and persuade her to find different lodgings, if you get my drift. Sydney is of no use, as usual. She just looks at this thing and turns tail. She won't even discuss making a plan for its relocation. Do you need a small cat where you and your mom live?

I wish I would have known you were hiring. Mom says it's time I find a job to help pay for these vet bills and toys. I have a new little pink Valentine's Day outfit and could walk around the office all sassy and seductive.

Hannah, you are just the type of assistant I have been looking for. Obviously you are smart and have good typing skills, not that that matters. I would love to see you in that pink VD costume. Maybe I will wear my devilish red thong. And Baby, I understand the thought about the training video, but, in my experience, those are just a waste of time. They cover things like ethics, sexual harrassment, gun safety, how to avoid a vice squad sting in the men's room and the like. I already know about all those things. Sir Denny Crane

Denny, you just made my mama laugh this morning. She loves "Boston Legal".